Monday, May 4, 2009
The New Ten Commandments given by Obama to the people:
1. I am the savior thy president. Thou shalt pay homage to me before any other gods. I will bring you out of the land of recession and deliver thee into iniquity.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or picture of me, nor of those that associateth with me, nor of those that slithereth in my cabinet, that is unflattering or disrespectful. For I am a jealous savior, visiting the iniquity of the fathers and the liberal press upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, especially Rush Limbaugh and Shawn Hannity.
3. Thou shalt not speak the name of thy political and economic savior in vain, nor in an unflattering or demeaning way, for I will not hold them guiltless that taketh my name in vain and will pursueth them secretly and publicly in order to silence them.
4. Keepeth the inauguration day of thy lord to sanctify it, as I hath commanded thee. 364 days shalt thou labor and do work, bequeathing all thy money to me. But the 365th thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother, or thy father and thy father, or thy mother and thy mother, or thy mother and thy father and thy father etc, as the savior and the my courts hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the government of the savior and his courts hath given thee.
6. Thou shalt not kill in defense of thyself, nor of thy family, nor of thy neighbor, nor of thy country. Excepteth that thou mayest kill an innocent baby or an ill person or an elderly person in defense of thy schedule or in furtherence of thy convenience, so that thou mayest have more time to work for thy savior.
7. Neither shalt thou commit adultery, excepteth that thou useth contraception to preventeth unwanted consequences or unless thou lyeth with man instead of woman if thou art a man, or with woman instead of man if thou art a woman. This is pleasing to thy lord.
8. Neither shalt thou steal that which belongeth to the savior, nor his cabinet, nor his government, nor preventeth the government of thy lord from attaining all that thy hath. Private property is an abomination unto the lord thy savior Obama.
9. Neither shalt thou bear true witness against thy neighbor, nor against thy presidential savior, nor against his nomineesnor against his cabinet members. For all of thy lord's nominees are held guiltless for the lord's sake.
10. Neither shalt thou refrain from the desire for thy neighbour's wife if thou useth contraception to preventeth unintended consequences thereof; neither shalt thou refrain from coveting thy wealthier neighbour's house, his field, and his manservant, and his maidservant, his ox, and any thing that is thy wealthier neighbour's. Neither shalt thou refrain from coveting thy neighbor's ass, nor the asses of many of thy neighbors, after the manner of thy lord's blessed servant, Barney Frank.
And the people shout: "Amen!"